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Are You Stuck In a Toxic Relationship?

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Friendship is all about looking out for each other and helping each other blossom. Learn to identify toxic relationships and walk away from them because you can only thrive when you march with the right people.

So how can you tell if you are stuck in a toxic relationship? Let me share some thoughts with you:

1. Toxic relationships are based on manipulation. A person who uses tears, tantrums, threats or bribery to bully you into doing what he or she wants is not a good companion.

2. Toxic friends are usually unavailable when your hard times come. There is nothing like difficulties to show you who your real friends are. Some people might use the liberating-sounding excuse that they do not have time for other people’s dramas, but the truth is that real friends hang around even when your cup is empty. And then they help you to fill it up again.

3. Toxic people are always raining on your parade. Everybody has dreams—you are entitled to them. Because your true friends care about you, they offer honest advice, but they still support your wild ambitions. Stay away from people who are quick to point out all the reasons why your idea is going to fail.

4. Toxic conversations leave you feeling empty. About a year ago I decided that I was spending too much time on the phone in pointless chitchat. So I simply stopped calling people. It was a drastic measure, I know, but after a few months I was able to figure out that my true friends were the ones that stayed in touch simply because they had something enriching to say. Although I make a good amount of calls for many different reasons, I only take time to chat with the few who bring out the best in me and who allow me to inspire them.

5. Toxic relationships can be exhausting. Walking on eggshells can really wear you out. A true friend permits you to be yourself without taking everything too personally. I once had a friend who was constantly getting offended by the things I did, whether real or imaginary. She would start pouting and I would berate myself trying to figure out what I had done wrong this time. Usually when she pointed out to me what my misdeed had been, it was something silly like laughing too loudly, or not smiling enough or not calling her all week. It was tiring and unfair.

6. Toxic people think it is their duty to improve you. Avoid people who are constantly criticizing everything you do and are intent on changing you. Although I am all for friends helping each other to grow, that process cannot be forced—it comes naturally.

7. Toxic relationships isolate you from friends and family. Beware of any association that consumes so much of your time and energy that you barely have a moment left for other friends and family. Toxic people tend to engulf you to the point that you feel like you are suffocating. Friends who have each other’s best interest at heart know that everybody needs space sometimes, and they are willing to step back and allow you to adjust at your own pace knowing well that this does not mean that the friendship is over.

You cannot partner with someone who does not share your goals and dreams simply because no matter how hard you try, you cannot teach people to care about you. This lack of appreciation for your true self will contaminate your environment and rob you of the ability to be the person you were meant to be.

By Dinorah Blackman. Dinorah Blackman-Williams’ books may be previewed and purchased at http://www.lulu.com/blackman.

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Article Source: Enoch Tan
Attract Love By Allowing Yourself to Receive it

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The Biggest Barrier to Finding Your Soul Mate

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It is simple – FEAR: fear of failure, fear of difference, of love, of hurt, fear of the consequences and even life itself, in the futile search for perfection. People get stuck in the same behaviour patterns, being fearful, fossilized and boring, getting the same joyless results, while becoming increasingly unhappy and unattractive in the process.

They take their fearful behavior to every situation and keep getting the same outcomes. Like a vicious cycle, fear gives them only the negatives, or no partners at all, which then reinforces their perceived unworthiness and cements the rejection even more.

Fear comes through either shyness, inexperience of appropriate behavior, lack of confidence and self-esteem, a reluctance to deal with the unknown or, the most common reason, the wish to avoid being hurt, especially if one has been hurt before.

But pain is the other side of pleasure and one cannot have pleasure without that pain. Moreover, pleasure always comes before pain in any new relationship, so when we avoid pain, we get no pleasure either, which then keeps us isolated, lonely and unhappy.

Everything that happens in our life is meant to develop us to heights of excellence, to hone our coping and survival skills to perfection. When we rob ourselves of the opportunity to sharpen our resilience and determination and to give us more experience, we remain weak, inadequate beings, dominated by fear, achieving very little and living only half the life we are capable of.

Habits Decide Our Future
With fear as a debilitating and paralyzing force, it tends to keep people with the same habits as they take refuge in behavior which makes them feel comfortable. It won’t yield them anything much, but at least it makes them feel ’safe’ and secure.

As it is habits that decide our future, such behavior merely gives more of the same and keeps the person in a rut of negativity. Of course, there is only a 6 foot different between a rut and a grave!

When we are fearful, we prefer to hang back, to find numerous excuses as to why our actions won’t yield anything of substance and why someone isn’t good for us. Our search for the perfect mate makes 99.9% of people we meet highly unsuitable.

We gradually convince ourselves of the negatives while the positives seldom get the chance to affect us. That’s why some people remain single for years, their dating skills gradually being eroded until they feel totally inadequate to deal with a potential date.

Anything we do, or any decision we make, is merely a result. We can change the result every time we wish by just changing our expectations and approach, by doing something in a different way and having an open mind about the possibilities.

If you have been living the same way for a while, making the same kind of decisions and getting the same results, get out of that comfort zone and ditch the fear today. TRY SOMETHING NEW! The least you will get is another result. It could be one amazing, unexpected surprise to change your life for good.

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