When someone has hurt us, consciously or unconsciously, one of the most difficult things we have to face in resolving the situation is the act of forgiveness. Sometimes it feels like it’s easier not to forgive and that the answer is to simply cut the person in question out of our lives. In some cases, ending the relationship may be the right thing to do, but even in that case, we will only be free if we have truly forgiven. If we harbor bitterness in our hearts against anyone, we only hurt ourselves because we are the ones harboring the bitterness. Choosing to forgive is choosing to alleviate ourselves of that burden, choosing to be free of the past, and choosing not to perceive ourselves as victims.
One of the reasons that forgiveness can be so challenging is that we feel we are condoning the actions of the person who caused our suffering, but this is a misunderstanding of what is required. In order to forgive, we simply need to get to a place where we are ready to stop identifying ourselves with the suffering that was caused us. Forgiveness is something we do for ourselves, and our forgiveness of others is an extension of our readiness to let go of our own pain. Getting to this point begins with fully accepting what has happened. Through this acceptance, we allow ourselves to feel and process our emotions….
Written by Madisyn Taylor http://www.dailyom.com/misc/mt.html
Grudges take up brain capacity and energy; therefore preventing us from performing at our very best. What we focus our minds upon grows; and believe that this is also very true for hatred and anger. Remaining negative in any form (ie. angry, regretful, spiteful, upset, etc), takes up 50 times more energy and concentration than what it does to actually let it all go and remain more positive. SO, it is impossible to truly achieve great things for ourselves when we have a lot of our energetic capacity tied up in negativity.
Remember that forgiveness is primarily for YOU. It frees up your energy tremendously. So forgive all grudges, no matter how old or hurtful they may be, and seek reconciliation. If you find this hard, begin with the easiest ones first. Then gradually work up to the harder ones.
All the years that you have waited for them to “make it up to you” and all the energy you expended trying to make them change (or make them pay) kept all of those old wounds from healing and gave pain from the past literally free reign to shape and even damage your current and future life.
And still they may not have changed.
Nothing you have done has made them change.
Indeed, they may never change. Inner peace is found by changing yourself; not the people who hurt you. It also comes from giving yourself the permission to move forward once again, have acceptance of yourself and others, but also forgive yourself and others for any past hurts or wrongdoings that you feel may have been caused. And you change yourself for YOURSELF: for the joy, serenity, peace of mind, understanding, compassion, laughter, and bright future that you so very much desire and deserve.
Forgiveness is actually a “gateway” to love; for only when we can fully forgive ourselves and others can we truly know real love and peace and use it to heal others. Lack of forgiveness leaves a blockage just as fear does. Because these are two very powerful negativities, realize that unfortunately love cannot penetrate and thus radiate through. So in knowing this, we must first remove that fear, anger, etc in order to find acceptance and thus love – love for self and love for others.
Forgiveness begins with you; you have to forgive yourself otherwise the “victim role” just continues. I personally have finally learned that I am NOT a victim. Nor am I a survivor. I am now beginning to LIVE. To be very honest with you, I am feeling quite empowered to take care of myself, with respect for my needs and with love and acceptance for all that I am. I have learned many lessons from my experiences, and I give thanks for them on a daily basis because if it were not for those very same lessons, I wouldn’t be where I am today … nor would I be the person that I am today. Admittedly sometimes I have beaten myself up with some lessons in order to learn them (due to me overanalyzing – which I have now also learned to let go of lol), but I do continue to learn and grow on a daily basis. I always will. But I believe that I am able to do so because I have finally come to a point in my life where I am now able to forgive myself for any PERCEIVED mistakes – because I needed their lessons. Many lessons have been quite harsh … but they were needed and intended because it is the strength and knowledge found within those lessons that ultimately become a part of who we are … and that strength and knowledge will be much needed in our future.
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