We all know that living out our lives every now and then we get walloped with one trial or another … some worse than others. And sometimes those hard knocks will come not only when you least expect them, but they also tend to come all at once. To go even further, some of those wallops knock the shit right out of you, and it can be quite difficult to pick yourself up again.
Why? Why does that happen? Is Divine and the Universe trying to teach us something? Is it something that we’ve been destined to experience? Is it karma? Growth preparation? Change preparation? Did we manifest them with our negative thoughts? Or is it just the influencing of outside forces/other humans that’s causing this crap? Who the hell knows the real answer. I do know that the answer is different for different people and different situations, but all of those questions I have been asking myself for the past number of months.
And through tears, prayer, meditation, depression, and even more tears, no matter how much I ask my guides and Divine for answers and direction, the most I get is seeing those stupid repeat numbers. Have you ever become frustrated or angry with Divine and the Universe, especially in facing these horrible hard knocks? Well, I know I have been. Literally I will say right out loud whenever I see those numbers (which has been incessant every day, sometimes 10 times in a day): “What the heck are these repeat numbers supposed to be telling me? Can’t you just be straight up with me like I am with my clients? Quit beating around the bush and just come out with it already!” But still … I get no response other than those damn numbers.
I write this blog post partially I guess as a venting, but also because for one, to let others know that they’re not alone. Thirdly, to show that I too am only human. And fourth, to actually let all of you know what I’ve been going through and what’s happening.
I am going through extreme financial hardship right now because business for both myself and my husband has basically come to a literal standstill … and it’s been going on for a number of months (as many of my newsletter subscribers are aware). It is to the point today as I write this that I am now three months behind in the household utility bills and credit cards – so our heating, electricity, internet and phone I am sure will be getting cut off at any time. Then, the next hard knock is our one running vehicle has finally decided to crap out on us … we can’t afford to fix it. More hard knocks: 1. My one credit card tried to sue me to seize my bank accounts and put a lien on my home, so I swallowed my pride and got a home equity loan to pay them off. Now I have a mortgage on my house (which I never had before ever) that I am struggling to pay. So I am still looking at a possibility of losing this place, 2. The home insurance company is forcing us to make changes to our woodstove in the hubby’s workshop … can’t afford that. 3. Hubby owes taxes … can’t afford that. 4. Hubby tried selling his one snowblower to get some cash. One interested buyer came by, but for some reason the snowblower wouldn’t start. It worked just fine before. After 30 minutes of them both trying to get it going, the guy took out the spark plug, and then in trying to put it back in he CROSS-THREADED IT! Took it in to get fixed (which we can’t afford). Only thing wrong was the gas wasn’t turned on! But now the mechanic has to drill the head to re-thread the spark plug – which that prospective buyer caused. Call the prospective buyer to let him know nothing was actually wrong, “Oh, no I’m not interested now.” WHAT?! And you were the one that cross-threaded the spark plug … unreal. Thanks a lot. I tell you hubby wasn’t happy. And then 5. I did have a job working nights for a cleaning company. For two months they didn’t pay me. When I finally had enough, I quit and demanded my pay due to me. Their response: “Sorry, we don’t have the money. We’re going bankrupt.” OH MY GOD! Really? I could have been doing something else, you know? But now thanks to that I have literally zero money to pay all of these bills and mortgage. Thanks a lot assholes (pardon my language).
We are barely surviving here. I have even gone without my dentures for over a week now simply because we have no extra money to pay for denture glue. Every dime we get has to go towards everything else. Furthermore, to just add further salt to my already open wounds, no matter how many job applications I’ve put in over the past number of months, I have not once even heard back from any of the employers. Not even a “thanks, but no thanks,” letter.
So all this crap and all at once. One hard knock after another, and I am finding it extremely difficult to get back up again. What doesn’t help is getting advice such as, “Maybe you should just go bankrupt. So what if you lose the house in the process?” Or, “Just let the house go. Start fresh.” No … that is not an option. We won’t ever be able to ever move onto our horse farm if I lose this place. That would kill us … truly.
So now I have come to a place of extreme humility and humbleness, and have made the only decision that I could think of to possibly regain my momentum in the psychic readings: get rid of the requested set price for email readings and just simply work on a donations-only basis (and silently I just hope I don’t get low-balled by folks).
I made this decision based on three thought processes: 1. Maybe folks just can’t afford the regular $45 for an email reading. Maybe they’re struggling like I am, and 2. Maybe my time, efforts, skills, knowledge and abilities aren’t worth the $45. Maybe they’re worth less, but maybe, just maybe they’re worth more, and the Universe is trying to tell me that, and 3. Perhaps the Universe is trying to tell me that I have to humble myself more and have more trust in my clients – that perhaps my clients know what’s best for me than what I do.
I have even made this decision despite my husband, children, mother, brother, and many close friends telling me that I’m out of my freaking mind, that this is the worst, most stupid “idea” I’ve ever had.
So I’ve made this choice. However, for now I just wish to do this as a test or trial run until May 31st, 2019. I mean in all seriousness, what could it hurt in at least trying? If it all works out, that will tell me that not only have I FINALLY made the right decision for me, my business and my precious clients, but also that this is what I should have perhaps been doing all along. If it works out, the donations for email readings will become permanent.
And then hopefully all of these blasted hard knocks of life will bugger off and I’ll be able to pick myself up again and regain that momentum … and hopefully reach better life success and freedom.
A lot of us are going through a lot of SHIT in recent months. And I do believe at least some of the influence for this has to do with the energies associated with both 2018 and 2019. So again, please know that for those of you who are going through some of these hard knocks, you are NOT ALONE! As hard as what it is, try to follow that gut instinct of yours, and try not to ever give up. There has to be light at the end of the tunnel … all of us just have to do what we can in order to get there.
I love each and every one of you. We’re in this together.
Just remember now though, should you wish an email reading, simply use the “Donate” button located on the left-hand side of the page, and then directly email me your questions and concerns for the reading itself.