What Is Holding You Back? Embracing Change

What is Holding you Back? Embrace the Change You Long For!

© 2014 Susan Fox – Reposted with permission from Susan Fox

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Strangely interesting cloud hovering over Davis Lake © 2009 Lisa Caza of Soul Psychics

Many people say they’d love their life better if only things were different. Have you ever thought that idea yourself? Do you say, “As soon as (something happens) THEN I’ll be happy!” Well, the good news is that you can be happy right now…if you choose.

People who feel overwhelmed in life often also feel worried they are powerless to change things for the better. But the truth is, with small changes virtually anyone can experience big life improvements.

We behave in particular ways by first thinking specific thoughts. The brain and mind are similar to the world’s most sophisticated computer and computer software. Your thoughts are the software for your computer brain. If you FEEL happy, you send thoughts from your mind to your brain to create that feeling in your physical body. CHOOSING to feel happy is how you succeed here on earth.

Are you feeling stuck in life? If so, think encouraging, uplifting, constructive thoughts and move forward.

So what’s the hang up?
Why do many people resist change, even if we believe it will bring desired improvements? Well, it’s actually a brain thing. The brain likes familiarity. Even habits that cause us to act against ourselves feel familiar. Healthy or unhealthy thinking habits feel familiar and mentally comfortable to us. So, your success all boils down to choosing happy thoughts and acting out your life roles according to those thoughts.

Someone might ask you, “Why haven’t you (gotten a better job, gone back to school, asked the boss for a raise, found your soul mate, etc.,) yet?” Those kinds of questions may cause you to tense up your neck and shoulder muscles as you make excuses for failing to achieve your goals. But that doesn’t help you make your world a better one.

When you think certain thoughts, you may often also create what’s called a metaphor. A metaphor is a thought pattern that represents something meaningful to you. If it’s meaningful enough, your subconscious mind will NOT give it up until you bring in some new viewpoints about the metaphor.

For example, you might feel afraid that by being a business success you open yourself up to being criticized by jealous others. If this is true for you, you may hold yourself back in your professional life.

Or, you might feel afraid to fail in your business. If this is true for you, you may want to avoid feeling disappointed or disappointing others important to you. This learned behavior again, can keep you from being a success in your professional life.

The terms “criticism” and “disappointment” are NOT physical things that can actually come and attack you or physically threaten you. But in your mind, you might have learned to create an illogical association or mental link with the words “criticism” and “disappointment” wanting to avoid them as if they are a physical threat to you. You may have conditioned your mind to believe that being a success may be a dangerous risk for you.

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Actual picture of Lisa’s Mr Butterfly sitting on her arm © 2012 Lisa Caza of Soul Psychics

Embracing change can be difficult if you initially associate emotional pain for doing it. Change means you must disrupt your usual routine to do something different from what’s familiar and in your comfort zone. But how are you defining “comfort zone?” You could be stuck in a metaphorical thinking trap.

Adopting change might also mean changing or ending relationships, even abusive ones. You may convince yourself you don’t have the energy to review the value in your relationships right now. However, if you’re mentally abusing yourself and acting against your own best interests, now is exactly the right time to review your relationships. Once you decide if the relationship is a healthy one, you might be able to clarify if that relationship needs to stay the same or needs changing.

If you already feel overwhelmed with your everyday agenda, and don’t want to take on any more life responsibilities, you’ll excuse yourself from making changes…even the ones you know will be good for you in the long run.

Can You Relate To Resisting Change Right Now?
Let’s talk about the one main benefit of change. Change can be good for you. Instead of staying in a confusing, complacent, fearful rut, simplifying your life can be a real blessing. So what’s a simple way to stop living in such chaos? It starts by changing your viewpoint of what the relationship really means to you.

What Can You Do To Make Your World a Better One?
Change the metaphor in your head you’ve been using to hold yourself back from enjoying life. It’s free, it’s simple and fast.

Okay, well how do you do that? It begins by understanding how you define the value in the relationship. Start thinking new thoughts. Thinking different thoughts is one simple thing that can help you move forward in life.

For example, for your business, do you feel afraid to get the visibility and publicity you really need to keep your business in front of your target market? If so, what’s that fear based in? Is it fact or opinion?

Every time you become consciously aware you are resisting life-improving change by saying a “n’t” contraction word (can’t, won’t, shouldn’t wouldn’t, etc.) simply say what you WILL do or what you DO like. Instead of saying, “I can’t do that!” instead state what you WOULD be willing to do. By focusing on what you WILL do, you will find change easier to embrace.

Something else you can do is understand how your brain thinks. In my book, Brainview: What Does Your Brain Think of You?, you can understand your brains unique viewpoints. It is by these viewpoints that you create metaphors that hold you back or encourage you on to greatness.

You have a significant contribution to make for this world to be a better world. Your story is unique compared to all other people on the planet. I specialize in helping people tell their story to position their products and services as the #1 authority in their niche. This helps you get more clients, have fun in your business and enjoy your work. Contact me at yoursecretwishes@gmail.com and let’s work together to get your story told! The world is waiting for you because you do make a huge difference in life!

For more information on how to get an instant download of one of her books, visit http://www.ezkey2life.com/SusanFox. Also check out her very first book now available in Amazon: The Coma Whisperer. It is a novel based on true events working with her first coma/vegetative state client.  Using hypnosis, within the first 48 hours, he was consciously responding to the outside world!

Author’s Bio: Susan Fox, freelance writer, brain dialog researcher and small business promoter helps you tell your unique story. Using your spectacular story details, she helps position your products and services as the #1 authority in your niche. This helps you get more clients, have more fun in your business and enjoy your work. Are you up for that? If so, contact her today at yoursecretwishes@gmail.com


Communicating With Our Feathered Friends

Animal Communication: Working with Parrots & Earning Trust

A client wrote in:

“Several weeks ago my heart was taken by a 6 mo old CAG baby, “she” was in a pet store and after several visits the bonding seemed to be two sided. My husband was with me for all of the visits, during which we all met and discussed the possible long term commitment, responsibilities and life style changes. We made the commitment, my love for baby Zoe won. I was now Nana to a loving bundle of outgoing curiosity. Zoe appeared to be adapting well to all the new things in her world, after a day she settled in, chatting, baby grinding, whistling and talking. Then my world with her changed, after being with her the first 5 days, at her beck and whistle, I had to return to work. I left the tv on, gave her food, water and her favorite toys. WOW when I returned that evening, she bit, ran away screaming and seemed to instantly fall for my husband, whom she had met just a few times. After some research, I found my error, I forgot to tell her where I was going and that I would return, I sat and spoke to her for a long time explaining what I did and the working hours, also, after things settled, she could go to work with me after we got the screaming under control. Things have been a little better, we have floated in a truce, the previous bond was gone. She still shuns me, runs away, whistles and talks to my husband, only playing with me, if she does not know he is home or if she cannot see or hear him. I am sure you can tell that I am now heart sick, for I still love her dearly and long to pet and play with her in the manner that she allows my husband to. I still remain her primary caretaker, and nurse maid. What happened to cause such a swift solid bond from myself to my husband ? Is there anything I can do to regain her love and trust or am I relegated to caregiver in the background?” Heartsick Nana….

Zeus - Lisa Caza's African Grey. © 2013
Zeus – Lisa Caza’s African Grey. © 2013

I own both an African Grey and an Alexandrine parrot and I can tell you that most have quite similar “ways of thinking” and behaviors – and are all EXTREMELY intelligent. It’s also not as easy to gain their trust as what it is with dogs, cats, etc.

Your “sudden disappearance” unfortunately has somewhat diminished the trust that was building within Zoe, and although I love how you did try to explain to her the situation afterwards, even though she may have understood, things would most likely not have change much (which seems already apparent). A few reasons why:

Birds are temperamental and you may have also perhaps noticed that Zoe may even “discriminate” against certain clothes that you wear! Mine do – Alex my Alexandrine, he HATES every black sweater I own and prefers a particular white or red sweater. Yet Zeus, my CAG, on the other hand actually prefers that I wear a short sleeved shirt. If I wear a sweater he will even try to take it off by biting it and pulling on the sleeve! It is somewhat the same when it comes to their “owners.” They ultimately “discriminate” or “choose” who they wish to ultimately imprint on – and one huge early indicator of who they may “choose” is actually their gender. Females generally, for some reason and in almost all breeds of birds, tend to imprint more on male owners than females … if there are males present in the household that is – and vice versa – male birds tend to bond stronger and faster with female humans. Scientifically while it has been proven, they haven’t found any solid reasons WHY.

Another factor to consider is parrots will most often bond to those who spend the most time with them – regardless of who feeds them, gives them water 10 times a day and daily cleans their cage. Whoever is home the most, they will tend to bond more strongly to.

Alex - Lisa Caza's Alexandrine parrot - here only 8 months old. ©2012 Lisa Caza
Alex – Lisa Caza’s Alexandrine parrot – here only 8 months old. ©2012 Lisa Caza

One thing I notice in your note is you mentioning that you were there for Zoe’s ‘beck and call for 5 days.’ While indeed it is excellent that you were there to make her transition to her new home easier, at the same time we can’t “cater” to our feather babies either. They need alone time just like we do – and if we constantly come to them, speak to them or give them any kind of attention every time they whistle … well unfortunately we set ourselves up for too strong of a bond forming with one person (therefore creating aggressive/protective behaviors when around their imprinted human owner), screaming behavior – and possible trust breaking whenever we have to leave our home … which is what we are seeing here with Zoe. All of a sudden your constant attention was suddenly taken away from her. In her eyes now it’s like “Well she disappeared on me so I can’t trust her now when I need her or call out to her. But this guy is here so I believe I can trust him. At least his behavior hasn’t changed – it is consistent.” There is such a thing as giving too much attention … I learned that one myself the hard way with my parrot – he is protective of me (won’t allow anyone near me if he is out of cage and sitting with me) and he too had the screaming behavior whenever I left the room. However … we’re somewhat dealing with a double-edged sword here because we have to regain some of that bond between you and Zoe. So for the moment … let’s just set this aside and remember for FUTURE reference.

What I recommend in terms of regaining some of that bond back hon, is to actually do what I did with my baby when I brought him home. It takes a lot of patience … but it is so rewarding in the end. For the next little while, every day – a few times a day if possible – whenever you have a moment spend time with Zoe while she is in her cage (and unfortunately you may have to ask hubby to leave the room if he creates too much distraction for her. Another thing he can do is move away from Zoe, look away from her, etc when she tries to go to him instead of you). Talk to her. Share your meals with her. Give her a few of her favorite treats. Figure out what some of her favorite kinds of toys are and only offer them to her if and when she comes to you. Sing to her. Dance even. You will begin to notice that more and more Zoe should start to show more interest in being with you. You have to make time with you appealing and fun and engaging – but you have to be diligent … and above all patient and consistent.

If you approach one of your “sessions” with Zoe in the least negative frame of mind she will pick up on that and will not respond as favorably. And to help with the screaming, give her a “time out” – cover her cage for a while until she has been quiet for a good spell. Also, don’t show any reaction to her screaming because that’s what she wants! So no yelling, no telling her to be quiet – no response at all. Realize – a negative response is better than no response in their eyes – therefore no matter what kind of response you give your bird they will like it – it will only enable the screaming behavior. Instead, what I’ve done, is not say a word and not even peek around the corner at Alex. Then once he is quiet, I will then either speak to him briefly or peek around a corner.

Lisa Caza's 2 parrots Alex and Zeus. Alex sporting his new neck ring! © 2013 Lisa Caza
Lisa Caza’s 2 parrots Alex and Zeus. Alex sporting his new neck ring! © 2013 Lisa Caza

Because there is in fact already a strong bonding for your husband, I cannot guarantee you 100% success with this technique my dear. But I do feel that you can gain at least a little grounding back with it – and you should start to be able to do a lot more with Zoe. For me I was quite successful with this technique of mine – with Alex, while in good health and was partially trained, when I got him from the pet store I had quite a few problems with him (a few things: would refuse to step up, would bite me if I tried to take him out of cage, afraid of hands). Now, I can do almost ANYTHING with Alex: give him cuddles, kisses, tickles and actual hugs. We even have a few games that we play together (peek a boo by placing my HAND over his head and he pops out randomly and says ‘peekaboo’, and he pretends to ‘bite’ me in front of others while I yell “Owie! Owie! Owie! He gets a huge kick out of that one – so much so now he has learned to say Owie). We sit and cuddle and watch tv all night together .. we have a very strong bond and sense of trust – and it didn’t take too long to form (with my diligence, patience, understanding and knowledge of what his body language was telling me). And Zeus – because he was older (he was 2 when I got him), he presented with a few other issues –  at first he hated me and preferred my husband. Whenever I tried to even give him a wee pet he would lash out and bite a finger (he actually almost broke my finger TWICE!). With Zeus I was rather frustrated – but it was because he was older – more set in his behavior patterns. However, with diligence (and actually getting hubby to give him a shower – he hates showers!) things changed so positively. With him too now I can pet him like a dog almost – and he’ll lay on his back in my hand. Only thing we have to work on more is him being comfortable away from his cage.

I believe that you too should be able to gain some of that grounding with Zoe. And once you start to have some of that trust building back – then it will be time to remember and implement what was mentioned above – about giving too much attention … but likewise remaining CONSISTENT in YOUR behavior. Gradually ease your way into a new routine by lessening the time you spend with Zoe – but still remain consistent. Know what I mean? Think of it in terms of “slow weaning/withdrawal.”

As a note on shoulder riding – it is recommended that you do not allow any bird to sit on your shoulder as it creates more dominance behavior from them. However, I personally will allow Alex to sit on my shoulder whenever he has spooked or has felt scared or threatened about something – as birds feel safer the higher up they are. I feel that this has likewise contributed to the trust in him for me – but mind you as soon as I feel that he has calmed then I will instruct him to go back down either onto my knee, my arm, or sit beside me on the couch.

I do truly hope that this helps you some – stay persistent. But above all be patient, loving and CONSISTENT – gradually making changes as necessary.

Much love and blessings to you and Zoe – Please do let me know how things progress I would love to try and help best I can. Lisa

© 2014 Lisa Caza